The New Social Anxiety - Questions of Facebook Etiquette

So you finally mastered email etiquette, no all caps, use correct grammar, re-read the 'to field' several times before sending and above all else never go near the 'reply all' button. You can text b4n and cu l8r like an ambidextrous twelve year old. Now the unknown rules but nagging anxiety about facebook etiquette leave you afraid to leave your next status update. Here are but a few:

1. Am I leaving too many updates on my Facebook profile? Will people wonder if you have an actual life? How often is just enough to share all the witty insights I have but not appear too desperate? Hint: If your friends now know what you've had for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday it is probably too often.

2. Will I be fast enough to untag that unattractive photos friends have posted? How is it your friends have such a vastly different criteria of what photos of you others should be exposed too? Keeping your profile carefully void of offensive photos is a never ending job.

3. Have I friended the wrong people? Now your mother, your boss and your conservative Baptist cousin from Ohio have become your friends. Will they balk at the real you? Hint: 'Just got out of bed at 2pm due to too much fun at the Owl last night. Oh my aching head. Where are my underwear?' No longer the updates you can leave once your audience has broadened to work and family.

4. Will my friends be forced to add some lame application if I send them 'a drink, a hug, a rose, some Flair'? Is it really a gift if they have to add some application to their account they will never want to use again? Will they blame you for the ever growing list of updates they have yet to act upon.

5. Am I a stalker? You aren't facebook friends with your ex but you have friends who are, so you troll their pictures and profiles hoping to see comments or photos of your ex in their profile. Bonus if you find your ex looks miserable, fatter, older than you remember. Hint: If you spend more than 5 hours a week at this activity you are a stalker.

6. Did I kill that conversation? You follow a funny conversation between someone you kind of know and insert a witty comment and the conversation ends...did you kill it? Maybe you misunderstood what they were talking about? Maybe it was an inside joke that you weren't invited too? Hint: You'll never know.

7. What is my new commitment to my newly refound high-school, college and summer camp friends? After exchanging marital status, kid status, job and location status and maybe taking an odd trip down memory lane what is my commitment to old friends? Do we now exchange phone numbers and talk? Do I need to comment on their childrens pictures througout the year? Hint: No longer have the lost contact excuse for lack of communication effort.

8. Is it cool to continue a Facebook conversation with your friends when you are actually face to face? You see a friend at a party and the first thing you say is "I saw on facebook you got a new tattoo let me see!" She responds, "You won't believe who found me the other day!" Hint: If Facebook is mentioned no less than 30 times at a social event you know you all need to get out more often.